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The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones (2013)
iMDB Rating: 6.0

Date Released : 21 August 2013

Genre : Action, Adventure, Fantasy, Mystery, Romance

Stars : Lily Collins, Jamie Campbell Bower, Robert Sheehan, Jemima West

Movie Quality : HDrip

Format : MKV

Size : 870 MB

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Set in contemporary New York City, a seemingly ordinary teenager, Clary Fray (Lily Collins), discovers she is the descendant of a line of Shadowhunters, a secret cadre of young half-angel warriors locked in an ancient battle to protect our world from demons. After the disappearance of her mother (Lena Headey), Clary must join forces with a group of Shadowhunters, who introduce her to a dangerous alternate New York called Downworld, filled with demons, warlocks, vampires, werewolves and other deadly creatures. Based on the worldwide best-selling book series.

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Review :

Horrible experience (I read the books)

This was terrible.

Honestly. Terrible. I've seen Jonah Hex and Catwoman at the cinema, (yes I paid real money to see both movies), so trust me to recognise a bad movie when I see it.

This was worse than Percy Jackson. Go see that instead.

I've read the books for this, the entire Book 1 and 2 and I've skimmed the key parts of 3. It does not help. People are saying that it might have been better if you read the books? NO.

This is a horrible adaptation. It's in the vicinity of "Eragon bad."

I am not lying. If you're asking yourself, "should I watch this movie?" the answer is NO. There's nothing to gain. If you generally like bad movies, then feel free, (sometimes you just get the urge for a stinker, this is fact), but otherwise - avoid.

The writing is atrocious. The direction is atrocious. Some of the lines will crawl your blood, even if you're the youngest most movie-naive teenage girl in existence. There are scenes that'll make you feel embarrassed for the actors. I'm serious. There is this one scene that is so cheesy... I can't even describe it, but it's like all the cheese and all the corny from all five twilight movies condensed into 30-45 seconds.

This makes the Twilight Saga look worthy of an Academy Award. Every single joke falls flat. Every single one. Jace is supposed to be the witty one, and he's supposed to have this banter-prone persona - he doesn't. This Jace is almost shy. The dialogue is horrendous. The clichés hit you so hard you start thinking it's a parody halfway through, (it isn't). Geezus.

The Tudors king guy is in it, but he can't save it. I think his appearance was the proverbial nail, in fact. The end is almost incomprehensible as you just lose yourself in a storm of clichés. The movie's plot contradicts all logic and all pathways of common sense, and I'm not exaggerating here.

Now, I grant that the source material wouldn't win any awards either. There won't be any Team Jace or Team Simon T shirts on sale. Not sure how many Clary fans there are in the world, but I'd guess, not much because the original book characters are not the best characters ever. The book's plot isn't the most original thing ever. The books themselves are crap, being honest, but they're tolerable crap. This movie takes that crap and makes crap soup with it. They bring the crap to a boil. They season it... All the better to bring out that smoky crap flavour.

Movie adaptations seldom ever are better than the book, (and I count LOTR as the only exception), but when the bar was set this low, you have to ask "How did they F''' this up?" They had a decent cast. Decent acting too... It's just the writing! It's like the first draft of a screenplay that gets hammered out in a dark latrine while the writer is suffering from food poisoning. Who approves this stuff? Really. Who signed off on this as a good idea. Somewhere along the way, while this movie was being made, someone should have said NO. I feel like this movie should have some controversy to it. Someone should have stormed off the set. I feel like drugs were involved? Maybe?

Mindblowingly bad. The opposite of epic. Painful and embarrassing to watch. Hands down the worst movie of the year.

And there's going to be a sequel?

NO. Say NO, people. Just say NO.

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